One of my favorite passages in all of Scripture is Ephesians 4:11-16. The reason that it is one of my favorites is that it tells us directly what the purpose of the church is, what the role of church leaders is in achieving that purpose, and how we, as the church, reach the goal of accomplishing the purpose of the church. The role of leaders in the church is to equip the saints for acts of ministry for the purpose of building up the body of Christ, maintaining unity, and becoming mature – “to attain to the whole measure of the fullness of Christ.” The goal and purpose of the church is to corporately and individually be more and more conformed to Christ. This is the whole purpose of the Christian life, and therefore the Church as well: to become more like Christ.
Over the last couple months, I have been noticing a trend among those in the Church that unintentionally subverts the accomplishment of this great goal and purpose. This isn’t new. It isn’t just in our church. It is an epidemic that has been a reality for years. And, unfortunately, we too often reinforce it - with good intentions! What I am talking about is found in Ephesians 4:15. It is this phrase that has continually been on my mind the last couple months: “Speaking the truth in love.” In verse 15, Paul writes, “Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ.” It is by speaking the truth in love that we grow in becoming more like Christ. Speaking the truth in love is a major component of accomplishing the purpose of the Church.
But too often we come to church on Sunday and we feel like we’re supposed to “have it all together.” It seems like everyone else around me has it all together, so I guess I should too. We think, “Jesus died on the cross to pay for my sins and gave me life abundantly, so if I’m not feeling that, then there must be something wrong with me… but if I admit that, it might mean that people will think I’m not a very good Christian.” And we cover it up and sing our songs, pray our prayers, listen to our sermons, give our offerings, and go our merry (or not-so-merry) way. This continues week after week until we’ve perpetuated the problem so far that now it’s too late to bring it up. So we just live through it and put on the “I’m fine” face week in and week out, never admitting that inside it is not well with my soul.
On top of that, this gets reemphasized in our family systems as well. It is not just individually that we’re supposed to have it all together, but it is as a family unit too. “I don’t want to be the family with problems.” Our family is fine. There is nothing wrong. We get along as well as any other family. And if there is some trouble brewing underneath the surface, we just don’t talk about those things – especially in the company of others! So we’ve got the two places where we should be able to be the most open and vulnerable reinforcing this notion that if there is a problem, we just don’t talk about it.
As I’ve been reflecting on this tendency among us, I can’t help but think that this is a major hindrance to real spiritual growth in our lives. It prevents us from growing up into Christ. The first part of “speaking the truth in love” is speaking! Most of the time this phrase is understood to mean that whatever you have to say to someone, make sure you say it in love – and that is absolutely what this is saying. But we’ve added to the Scripture the old proverb, “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” So we put them together and rephrase this crucial truth to say, “Only speak the truth when you can say it nicely.” So if what needs to be said is going to hurt or embarrass or be risky, we just choose not to say anything. And we do this because we think it is in the best interest of everyone. But, ironically, it is actually going completely against what God is calling us to do.
If your child is about to do something that you know will hurt her, you tell her “No! Don’t do that.” Or if a good friend asks you for honest advice about something that you know is not good for him, you tell them, “I don’t think that’s a wise idea.” Or if you’re a doctor and you discover that your patient has a medical problem and it will require some painful work and maybe surgery, you tell them, “There’s a problem, but I think we can get through it.” It is not always what they want to hear, and you know it. But, because you love them and care for them, you want what is best for them. You don’t want to see them hurt, but a hidden underlying hurt is often more painful and almost always lasts far longer than exposing the problem and working through the pain to reach a resolution. Sometimes love requires saying the hard things. It is in these trying times that we see the most growth and where relationships are deepened.
This is not an easy thing to do, especially if there hasn’t been an environment developed that allows for and expects this kind of communication. I believe it is time we break down these barriers and open ourselves up to one another. It is scary. It is risky. But the rewards are enormous. Last Sunday night at the prayer service, it was so wonderful to see many of you get up and surround one another in prayer. It takes courage to share your hurts and needs. It takes courage to receive others’ needs and hurts. It takes courage to be a community that says, “No matter what your hurt, no matter what your need, no matter where you’ve been or where you’re headed, we are here for you. We will walk with you. We will embrace you with the love of Christ.” This is the kind of community we want in this church. This is the kind of community we want in our families. But it requires that we speak to one another - that we speak the truth to one another, even if it may hurt for a while – because speaking the truth in love demands that we be authentic and vulnerable. Then we will have opened the door for the Spirit to work in our lives and in our midst to make us more like Christ. And that is the reason we exist.
